perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
