Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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