Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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