Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
