tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize