It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
