You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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