God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
