fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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