You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
