I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
