they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
