I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
