I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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