Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
