Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
