Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i drank out of a bidet.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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