she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
