I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
