Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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