Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
