Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When are your genitals available?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
