I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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