I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
