The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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