I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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