He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
