dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
