the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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