I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
