Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
