I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
