Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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