hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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