His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
