She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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