for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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