dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
