She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
