just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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