So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
