It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
