dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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