Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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