You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
