My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize