covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
