I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
