i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
