Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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