piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got chris browned last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
