Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just had sex bonerless
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
