Your face is a jimmy john
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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