You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You dont lie about slip and slides
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
