you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
