I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
