I feel like abortions should bother me more
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
