I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
