I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
