At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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