I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
