im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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