omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
