just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
