the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
