No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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