Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
