I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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