She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
