someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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