The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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