question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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