I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
