I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
