PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
