You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
