The maid of honor just puked.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
