i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
