Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
