The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
